Perfectly Average
by ForeverRio
Summary: It would surprise some people to know I think my life is boring. It would surprise them more to find out Token and Clyde are conspiring to ruin my life. It would downright stun them if they learned I'm sort of going with it. Creek Drabble


So this came out of nowhere. I was like; "Gee, I think I might try to write a part of my own original series in first person" and Craig Tucker came out of FUCKING NOWHERE.

Thanks Craig.

Sidenote, I know there's been a longstanding thing for Craig to be a filmmaker ever since the cute animals with a fisheye lens episode came out, but recently it's been everywhere with him. As a Video Production major, I HIGHLY APPROVE OF THIS. I cannot tell you just how highly I approve, my approval is so high. It's all I can see him doing now.

ANYWAY I don't own South Park and I would love some love in the form of reviews. Or constructive Crit. Or anything. IlikefeedbackOKAY? Ahem. Yes. Anyway. Enjoy!

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><p>I don't hate my life.<p>

But my life is boring.

This would surprise some people, to find out I actually acknowledge how plain my life is. I don't feel too deeply to them, or so they think. What can I say? I'm good at faking indifference. And at the end of the day, indifference and a plastic smile is all you need.

Day in, day out. I don't work my ass off at school-why work for something I don't enjoy? But I do enjoy things. I enjoy film.

I work my ass off for my film class.

Grades are meaningless-to me anyway. Who cares? Schools. Schools care, and people sometimes but when have I ever liked people? Ask anyone, I'm no good at talking to them. I am good at insulting them. Sarcasm isn't a tool it's a language and I speak it well. Pity not a lot of other people do.

Where was I?

Right.

My life.

When you look back on your life you want to have a series of stories. Of adventures to tell to your kids. You want life to be full of experiences, you want to truly experience it. Looking back on my life do you know what I see? A small town. A perfectly average life. A man so plain he wouldn't be glanced at twice on the street.

Do you know what stands out about me? My height. I'm a tall, built fucker. I did nothing to get this way, I just grew into it. Clyde hates it-he's always wanted muscles. We've worked hard to keep him from turning into an obsessed gym rat.

Next after my height? My fingers. I flip people off. It's an instinct. My whole family does it. I do it when I'm pissed off.

I'm always pissed off.

I am unnoticeable otherwise. You think I'm overreacting, reciting some teenage drama bullshit. I don't buy into that crap and I won't spew it out either. I've been told I'm unnoticeable. I've been told I'm scary as well-but mostly unnoticeable.

Hell even my friends admit it. Well, Clyde won't, because Clyde's a pussy and a sympathizer at heart. He reacts like a girl to most things and that includes friends self esteem issues. Which is I guess is what this is. A self esteem issue.

Token's more blunt. Thank God for him, the kids the never ending voice of reason. You shouldn't bash Cartman's locker in because you'll likely break your hand and won't be able to film. You should go out with us because all you're going to do is go home and listen to metal.

You should ask Tweek out.

Alright.

He USED to be the voice of reason.

My life is boring. I don't hate it-but I hate this town. I hate most everyone in it. Yet I respect and appreciate my best friends. I know damned well they keep my head on straight. I don't act like it, and it's rare if anyone'll catch me showing it, but they know.

They know everything about me-which is why I was so surprised when Token's head seemed to come completely unglued. Ask Tweek out? Why the hell would I do that?

"Because you've been bitching about how bored you are and you refuse to like any girl in the class, so we're moving onto the next logical choice." Was Token's fucked up reasoning. "Besides if I had to pair you with anyone, I would have picked him. You two are perfect for each other."

"I think you're aiming to get punched so hard your shoes come off." Was my reply. It was in my asshole tone-not that anyone else but them could differentiate my tone of voice- because I didn't know wither to be offended Token thought I would go for a guy or pissed off because_ I_ didn't know if I would go for a guy.

If I did go for a guy, it certainly would not be Tweek Tweak. I forgot he existed half the time-the kid was only noticeable when he was acting like a strung out addict.

I said this.

Token gave me a look that said just how much of an idiot he thought I was. I was on the receiving end of that look a lot. "Aren't you the same way? Never noticeable until you do something drastic. Don't you think he feels the same you do about his life?" Token tilted his head in a manner that meant he was thinking. "He probably thinks less of his life, actually. I don't know if he has any friends. I certainly don't see him hanging out with anyone. We'll have to ask McCormick."

Kenny McCormick. South Park's human _Wikipedia._ The guy knew everything about everyone-wither you've ever spoken to him or not. Chances were you had-you just couldn't remember. Kenny was universally scary for a reason.

"We're not asking McCormick anything. "

But Token knows how to get his way. Bastard always has, which is how we ended up standing in front of Kenny's looker. Myself with my arms crossed and one earbud in, blasting noise. Token, looking far more sophisticated in his dapper black coat, talked easily with the ratty blonde.

"Tweek?" Kenny's noise scrunched up. I wasn't going to pretend I was enjoying being here, so I glared at him with as much force as my face could muster.

"I hang out with him at times, and I believe he and Pip have an annual tea day or some shit, but other than that I don't think he talks to anybody." Kenny scratched his nose. I had to withhold the urge to flip him off.

That was fighting a losing battle.

"Thanks Kenny." Token said. I was not at all surprised when he handed the smarmy bastard a twenty. Kenny beamed at him. I suddenly found myself holding up two middle fingers.

"Tea day, huh?" Token pondered while we walked to his car. Clyde joined us, automatically picking up on exactly what we were talking about because like I said, he operates like a girl.

"We're going to have to go have a chat with Pip."

"Why?" I groaned. This was unethical. This was torture.

This was the stupidest idea Token had come up with all week and would you have it, Pip and Tweek did have tea days. Pip didn't attend our school anymore, instead going to a neighboring private school. It was smaller than South Park, if you believe that's possible.

I shouldn't have been surprised that Token knew where it was, or how to find Pip. Token's pretty good at ferreting out information-because he uses money as an incentive and money gets you anywhere.

Pip however refused the offered twenty. He was willing to yap about Tweek eagerly enough.

"Nice chap, little buggy, but then aren't we all?" He laughed a little. I sat on the hood of Token's mustang with a defeated sigh.

Token and Clyde drilled Pip for twenty-five minutes. In those twenty-five minutes, I learned Tweek couldn't live without coffee, was on various medications, panicked about everything, and was a generally nice guy when you got past all that.

Too bad I knew _all_ of that.

This was an absolute waste of time.

"Oh come on Craig, he told us more than that." Clyde said, his whine coming from the middle seat in the back. He sat there so he could "see" both of us while talking. I swear he acts like a four year old more than an actual four year old.

Token took a different approach.

"You knew Tweek was actually a "wonderful , gentle fellow who is surprisingly peaceful for someone who shakes so much"?" He made the quotations with his fingers, taking both hands off the steering wheel to do so. Clyde winced, he hated when Token did that.

"It's obvious." I deadpanned.

Token raised an eyebrow at me, taking his eyes off the road to do so. Clyde whined, he hated that even more.

"Really? How so?"

I made a show of sighing and making a face. "It's in the way he does everything. The way he walks-always making sure not to bump into anyone and always clutching all his shit to his chest. He puts all the important things in a specific order in his back pack. He has covers on his textbooks. Who actually uses those things anymore beside overly careful people? He's constantly dropping his damn phone, yet the thing has this massive cover on it so there's not a scratch anywhere. It _bounces_ when it hits the floor, that's how well protected it is. All his art shit is in perfect condition. I mean half the pencils are broken and chewed up and shit but it's all there and all in alphabetical order. His sketches are spotless. He loses and crumples everything else, but it's clear he's careful with what he cares about."

My little speech was met with stunned silence. I could see Clyde's eyes in the rearview, they'd gone saucer plate big. I flipped him off.

"What?" I brought the asshole tone back.

"You've looked at his sketchbook?" Token asked. His voice was carefully even. I had no idea what he was getting at. I assumed it was bad. I flipped him off to.

"He sits next to me in math class." I defended. "What would you have me do? Watch him doodle or actually pay attention to that bitch of a teacher?"

Token rolled his eyes. Clyde agreed that she was a bitch.

"Fine, but dude, don't you think it's a little weird you noticed all that? 'Cause we sure as hell didn't."

"No." I deadpanned. It was not weird. It was normal. Everyone would notice shit like that if they shut up for five seconds and bothered to look around them.

"What'd you notice about Bebe?" Clyde asked. He was obsessed with Bebe. She was a slut, and he knew I didn't approve because the dumb bitch was stringing him along.

"She laughs like an attention starved whore." I said.

Clyde pouted and acted offended.

Well, it was true.

We argued a bit more on my supposed weirdness, than decided to drop it to play some _Rock Band_ on Xbox. Until Clyde took nearly an hour to make changes to his character and I smacked him with my drumsticks and he started to cry. Then we switched to shutting him up with ice cream while watching the new _Nightmare on Elm_ _Street _in Token's theater.

I got home at one in the morning, because I'm a rebel teenager and because my parents don't give a shit as long as I don't wake them up.

I proceeded to forget about everything until lunch the next day, upon which I walked up to find Clyde and Token conspiracing about ruining my life.

"Never going to happen." I said, in both response to some idiotic plan Clyde had come up with and by way of greeting.

"Why don't you just go over and_ talk_ to him then!" Whined Clyde, waving his spoon in Tweek's direction. We were all outside, Tweek by himself, us being one of the groups of students on the bleachers.

"Because there's no point in it. There is no chance that Tweek and I are going to start dating, and the sooner you two drop it, the better." I put a "this is final" tone in my voice, but as best friends always do, they ignored it.

"But you guys would be so cute together!" Clyde said, sounding like an obsessed fanboy. Which he was-with _Marvel _comics anyway. I was a bit surprised he'd moved on to trying to fanboy over my imaginary relationship he'd fabricated with Token.

"Clyde you know that's no way to get through to him." Token tut-tutted. I opened my mouth to rebuke that, but he kept talking.

"Watch and learn. Craig, you won't talk to Tweek because you're scared. It's alright. We understand. Clyde and I won't push you, we'll let you take this at your own pace. If you want sit here and pretend it isn't happening until you get up the courage to talk to him, that's fine. You know we'll support you no matter what." Token smiled at me, leaned over, and _patted. My. Hand._

I saw red for a moment.

I stood up, throwing my lunchbox onto the bleacher seat with a bang. I pointed at Token with my middle finger. "We'll see whose scared, asshole!" I bellowed, startling half the kids near me.

I gave no fucks.

I went stomping down the bleachers, flipping off everyone nearby with a fury. I spun when I hit the ground, pointing again at Token. "Don't think I don't know what you did, Token!" I yelled. "I know damn good and well you're trying to manipulate me! It is not working because I am doing this to prove a point, not because you thought this would be the outcome!" With that said, I resumed storming over to Tweek.

So I didn't tell Token what the point I was trying to prove was. Who cares? He knew. I didn't have to announce it and I certainly wasn't playing into his hands by dating Tweek. I was going to go over there. I was going to have a forced, undoubtedly awkward conversation. I was going to come back and that would be the end of this whole fucking Tweek fiasco.

"Tweek." I said, my voice not entirely my usual neutral drone. I was having an interesting time not still being pissed off at Token.

He shrieked , tripped, and with a rapid arm flailing pinwheel movement, managed to regain his balance. I wait for him to turn and stutter out a "Y-yeah?"

"I need to talk to you."

His eyes went wide. "Whatever t-they said I did, it wasn't me!"

That made me pause. "What the hell do people accuse you of doing? Twitching too much?"

Tweek rolled his eyes at me. I hadn't seen that kind of "Oh you're _such_ a smartass" expression on his face before. Not going to lie, I liked it.

"No, but I-I've been accused of some we-eird shit."

Oh really? "Like what?" Glad to see my neutral tone had fully recovered.

"Like t-the time someone at my work accused me and the shop of being assassins. Or the time someone t-told me I had threatened them when I dropped my coffee."

I snorted. "With your complexion? You couldn't be an assassin, you're way to white. You're reflecting light white."

Tweek gave me a hesitant smile. "I glow under w-water." He joked.

I ended up talking to him for the duration of lunch and all of math.

Token was still smug about it all, three weeks and two days later.

"I told you you were perfect for each other." He said when Tweek and I went on our first double date with him and Red.

I flipped him off.

"H-hey Craig?" Tweek asked while we were in line at the movie. We were seeing _Men in Black 3_-one, because it had a low chance of freaking out Tweek and two because Red and Token were just going to make out during the whole thing anyway so they didn't care.

I didn't exactly have high hopes, but I was staying positive.

"Yeah?" I said.

"That f-first day, when we started talking, you s-said you had to talk to me. You never told me what you w-wanted to talk about."

I stared at him blankly. From behind me Token started to laugh.

Obnoxious bastard. I flipped him off again. "I don't remember and it doesn't matter anyway." I told Tweek. "I got you out of it anyways, which is all that I really care about."

Tweek blushed, even though I said it in my deadpan, neutral, boring tone of voice.

I think that's what I love most about him. He can take my normal, boring neutral voice, my boring neutral life, an see it as something special.

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><p>D'aww. Craig you fuddlywuddly cutie pie inner sweetheart you. <em>Hums Bruno Mars Just the Way You Are in a epically annoying fashion. <em>


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